Forgive Me

Dear Blog,

Sorry for leaving you in a lurch. I have time but it seems that the time is not for you. I know i'll make it up to you somehow, someway.

Please be patient with me. We'll work this thing out. I promise you.

Yesterday

Yesterday..
All my troubles seem so far away..
Now it looks as though they're here to stay..
Oh I believe in Yesterday..

Suddenly I'm not the half the man i used to be..
There's a shadow hanging over me..
Oh yesterday came suddenly..

The song was stuck inside my head while i was driving back from KL to Baling. Yesterday the feeling that i had was a familiar feeling but the last time i had it was 15 years ago.

I was about to go back to Baling and I was sitting in the living room inside my wife's apartment. I was looking at the clock almost every 10 minutes. Then i realized that i was so reluctant to go back that i had wished the time would stop. Just as it was 15 years ago when i was in the boarding school. Every time i was about to go back i would look at the time. I just don't want to go back and wished that i was staying there in KL. All of us together.

Time just wouldn't stop and so life goes on....

IN

Mind block.. writers block.. Goblok..

Dunno what to write. Actually so many things is inside of this head but they are too jumbled up. I can't organize them.

Too many worries, too many expectations, too many at one time... sometimes i just wish that i can take out a magical object from Doraemon's pocket and split myself up.

I wish to be there, but i have to be here. I wish to do that but i need to do this. I wish i can do this but all i can do is that.

I guess i just have to be grateful to God what i have but i just can't escape this feeling of inadequacy, insecurity, insufficient, and incapable..

Hairspray

On Friday during my 1 day off i took my 3 boys to tho local barber shop as their hair was long and i didn't get them cut before the school starts. My eldest said the school prefect had mentioned to him about his hair and asked him to get it cut. I can still remember when i was his age and i was a prefect at the time, i did the same thing too. Checking on them and their hairstyle plus warning them if their hair is not appropriate. If they still did not follow the school regulation they would get punish or would be taken action.

I guess what i did was just following what the teachers had told us to do. but on thinking further i think its not right to scold the school boys or even take action on them. The boys already know that they are not following school regulation but they can't go to the barber themselves right. I mean they are only about standard 1 to 3 which is considered still young and not independent enough for them to go by themselves.

For me, its the responsibility of the parents to bring their children to the barber. And also to make sure that their children are following the school regulations. So its not right to punish the children alone, the parents should be accountable too. If the child is punished in school, he/she would feel that it is unfair to them as they did not do wrong in their eyes because they already told their parents. We as parents should not just let the teachers take care of everything at the school. We must play a big part too. Asking what they did in school, what did they learn in school and etc..

I just hope that i can be a good parent for them and be there for them when they need me the most. And i hope that i can be a good role model for them. Insyaallah.

Stone Temple Pilot

The title might suggest that i might be talking about the band but what i am talking is about stone, renal stone to be exact. At the end of last year i was struck with a medical problem that i didn't think that i would get in my life. It came suddenly out of the blue. I got a renal stone, luckily it was not big and it was on its way out of my body. But the movement of the stone caused a great deal of pain. I was pissing out blood literally, and it was the most excruciating pain ever.

I got it removed as soon as i found out. The procedure was simple, the surgeon introduced a scope or a probe through my urethra via a Ureteroscopic Stone Removal (google it please, i dont want to tell it in detail.) and took out the stone. It was small in size around 0.5mm x 0.3mm but that small stone really did a lot of damage inside. The stone is a calcium oxalate stone which is very common. I didn't get the chance to take a picture of it as they had sent the stone to Australia for an analysis.

Picture of the procedure

The stone looks very much like this

The realization of the disease that i had made me come to terms that i am just another person and not a super person or a superman. The surgeon hit me with the truth, that the stone is caused by myself and by other people. Its the food and water that i had taken for the past 31 years of my life. Apparently i had been taking a lot of acidic food and unhealthy food.

Well for starters, my fav foods is usually seafood like shrimps, squids, and etc... And i have been eating out most of the time. And if i eat at home usually the food would contain 'belacan' as it is my favorite. And the water that i consume doesn't include plain water. Mostly it was carbonated drinks, or colored drinks or even the instant ones and the biggest culprit would be the 'teh ais' which i take almost everyday.

I don't have a family history with renal stone, but with all the factors above plus the area which i am living now is considered as the highest prevalence of people having renal stone so naturally sooner or later i would get it. And i am glad that i got it sooner rather than later. It may sound crazy but i am really grateful that God had given me the chance to feel what is like having this problem. Now i can take better care of my health as a result. And i can tell people with my own experience how it feels and thus i can treat them better.

How to treat it and avoid it in the future. For starters, a lot of modification in my lifestyle especially the foods. I have to avoid all my favourites plus foods that contain high oxalate such as chocolates, spinach, wheat bran. I have to eat less meat, and fish too. It is better to take white meat rather than red meat and especially not to take inside organs such as liver, kidneys. It is because those foods contain high protein content and high protien produces a lot of uric acid which is a factor for stone formation.

The amount of water is important too. I have to take at least 2 to 2.5 liters of water per day to avoid concentrating the urine. It is to dilute the calcium inside of my urine and avoid the stone formation. And of course not to take 'teh ais' anymore.. The content of the water is also important, i need to take water that is slightly alkaline as acidic water promotes stone formation. And also the surgeon advises me not to drink RO (reverse osmosis water as according to him is useless water and in fact will make you worse if you have renal stone) The water is best around ph 7.0 to 7.9.

I am more health conscious than ever before and i hope that i can influence people more by telling my experience. And i hope that i can avoid having a recurrent stone.

Games Numero Uno

The New Year has passed and i have yet to make a definite resolutions yet. But one thing for sure is that i have decided to cut down my daily intake of Facebook. Which i manage to do thus far.

But to day i'm not going to talk about facebook but a similar theme that got me hooked to facebook which is games. I stumbled upon an article in Yahoo Games that highlighted the most recognisable character in the gaming industry.

i had played the game when i was young and the odds are so have you. Which game and character that i am referring to... well, if you guessed Pac-man then you're a genius. Pac-man is a game where you as the Pac-man is required to eat all the pacdots in a maze and the power pellets. You have to finish all the power pellets and the pacdots to go up a level. In addition to the pac-dots and the power pellets, the game also has bonus items in form of a fruit.


The game also has 4 ghosts inside the maze and you need to avoid them or you'll be dead. The ghosts will follow you and sometimes gang you up until you make a mistake. You can also eat the ghosts by eating the power pellets that will make you power up for a while and eat them. Did you know that the ghosts also has their own names which are, Blinky, Pinky, Inky and Clide. They also has their own characteristics according to the Pac-man creator.


The game is almost as old as me which is 30 years old this year. I still enjoy playing it despite having played it numerous times. Judging by the popularity and the longevity i guess it will stay here for as long as it can. Well, here's hoping to a 30 years more.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to All of You...

Hopefully this year would be better for me personally as last year was totally not the best year in my life...